We were laying on the back deck sunning when she said "tell me something about you I don't know". I paused for a minute and told her I thought she knew everything about me. She asked if I had a secret no one knew. I told her no. Of course this prompted me to ask HER the same question. She replied that there was something no one knew. I asked her to tell me. She said she didn't want to. After a bit of thinking I told her I thought she threw that question out there because SHE had something she wanted to tell me. She said she hadn't thought it thru that far and that was not her reason for asking me. A day later it still bothers me. The person I am going to spend the rest of my life with has something she has never told anyone, and doesn't feel she can tell me. She told me later that night she would tell me at some point. That's like a tease to me, tho. She says it's embarrassing. I reiterated a secret I had told her that is VERY embarrassing for me and asked her how it could be any worse. She was silent. It's not so much WHAT the secret is, but that she doesn't feel comfortable telling me right now. She's always opened up to me, and it's always in her own timing. I respect that. But when I ask myself would I rather she have lied to me and said NO and kept the secret to herself or would I prefer the answer I got which was YES but I will tell you later?? I am hoping by writing it down here I will feel better about her not telling me. I just feel a distance from her because of it. I just cannot imagine NOT being able to tell her everything. She already knows I won't judge her or think any less of her no matter what it is. I will be patient, I always am with her.

Letter

She worried why she hadn't heard from her best friend all week. She finally broke down and emailed her. Just a short and sweet how are you and what's going on. When the BFF wrote back she acted like nothing was wrong. It was still bothering my girl so when she replied back again at the bottom she asked why things were so weird when we were there. Her reply really bothered my girl. The BFF said is started when we asked that "dude" not go out with us. She didn't understand I suppose. And then the next thing was that we stayed in the bathroom for 30 minutes and left them hanging in the bar my themselves. We didn't go to the bathroom for 30 minutes, maybe 10! And she was with her GF so why was it such a big deal that we left them alone? And going back to the dude...my girl had sent her an email earlier in the week asking that he not come around while we were there. Apparently she didn't get the message. I don't know what part she was confused about. Anyway, the whole thing pisses me off and I would probably write off a friend that acted the way she did. She didn't even want me to turn on my sound machine to sleep while we were there. She claimed it was too loud. She just acted bitchy the entire time we were there. I know it bothers my gf but there are plenty of people in the world (that she DOESN'T have a history with) that could take her place as a best friend. I keep my comments to a minimum and support her decision.

On to other things. My sister called me this week and said she had a confession. She said mom had asked her a few questions about me and she told her she worries about me. When mom pushed and pushed for an answer as to what she worries about my sister told her that I want kids. Moms reply was "she doesn't have the good sense God gave her". Then a couple of days later when my sister, her husband, and mom and dad were having dinner for my dad's birthday my "lifestyle" was apparently brought up again. After my bro in law got home I saw that he was online on FB so I asked how dinner went. He said they talked about me quite a bit. Then he told me what was said. I am not sure how it went from mom "speculating" to mom "knows". Either way I haven't talked to mom or dad since the dinner. I'm not sure how to deal with it. I don't feel like I need to write a letter. What do I say? Something they already know? I will probably wait until they ask me, which they have said they won't do. Maybe a letter is what I need to do. But it's not like I had to write them a letter about anything else I've done. Why can't they just KNOW and never bring it up? Will my girl ever be able to come around? What about when we have kids? I will give them an ultimatum at that point. Until then, time will tell.

My girl and I are having custom rings made. They should be in, in about 3 weeks. I'd like to do something special when we get them. Not exactly sure what, think I will google ideas. Very excited about V-day. Going to Flemings for steak dinner and a movie. Plan to see Valentine's Day.

I feel better now.