Friday, July 29, 2011

Three Months

Yesterday was three months. Three months of marriage. It feels like a lifetime ago when we were standing in the rain in our beautiful wedding threads staring into each others souls, promising forever. Not sure why it feels that way, maybe because time goes so quickly these days. Happy Three Months...


We went to the beach last week. We wanted more to go than did, but for one reason or another, it ended up being my Wife, her mom, and myself. I was fine with that, but her mom can be a little moody. I love her to pieces, but she has two mood settings. Normal, and down. When she is down, she is REALLY down. She has a lot to be down about...her oldest daughter died in a carcrash some twenty years ago, eighteen months later her husband passed away from cancer, her mother passed away in April of this year, and her boyfriend told her he could no longer promise her forever.

We left around 20:30 Wednesday night. She was very quiet. We could barely make her talk. I would hear her sniff occasionally, and saw her get a tissue out. I'm sure she was missing her ex, and wishing he was going along with us. I don't know what she saw in him, but that's not for me to say anything about.

The entire time we were at the beach I had this nagging feeling I wanted to be alone with my Wife. Maybe it was because I knew we couldn't, but nonetheless, that's what I wanted. I stayed in a positive attitude--how can you not when you have gorgeous white beaches and clear water in front of you? We had a good time...we truly did. And my Wife and her mom had some goodtalks. My Wife and I took a walk down the beach alone one evening and got to the house her family stayed at three years ago with gram. She cried...she cried hard. I held her. I looked for signs her spirit might be there. When we got back to the beach house there was a HUGE dark blue cloud with a circle in the middle of it--the setting sun shone through perfectly...maybe that was her. Maybe the dolphins were carrying her spirit...they were so close to the beach!


My MIL slept almost the entire way home, it seemed to be another bad day. When we got home our AC was out again (same thing happened 1 week, 1 year ago). Thank goodness it was an easy fix. It was 92 degrees when we got in the house, too hot for sleeping, so I pricelined a hotel. Got a $200 room for $50 and we split it. The AC got fixed the next day.

Sidenote: I wish when my Wife got sleepy at night she would go to bed, rather than fighting it, and getting irritable. It's best if I just don't talk to her when she gets THAT tired.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Sister

My sisters birthday was yesterday. While she was on vacay about a few weeks ago I had asked mom if she was planning a birthday dinner. She said yes probably the weekend before or after my sisters birthday. I told her when my Wife and I would be in town (the weekend after her bday) and we tentatively set the dinner for that Sunday.

I got an email from my sister the day before her birthday telling me mom was cooking her birthday dinner the day OF her birthday (yesterday). Then I receive an email from mom telling me she was having birthday dinner for my sister yesterday, and she added it was my sisters choice.

I immediately took offense. I do not know if my mom told my sister we were planning to come in this weekend and she deliberately planned the dinner for a week night when she KNEW we couldn't come, or if mom never told her we were coming in this weekend, and it was just never mentioned.

I called my sister yesterday to wish her happy birthday. She asked if I was coming to dinner. I told her no, I was not invited. She said "you know you are welcome". I replied "actually, I don't know that". She immediately changed the subject to something about my parents air conditioner being on the fritz. We chatted awhile and before we hung up she told me that if I was in the area and wanted to "swing by" I was welcome to. "Swing by" would mean getting the car and driving 2 hours, eating dinner, and driving 2 hours back home (+ tank 'o gasoline). I thanked her for the offer and told her I would be getting up early for work today and would not be able to make it but I hope they enjoyed.

Today I received this email from my mom:

"Hi there! Missed ya'll at the BD dinner yesterday(Tuesday). Heard that you were not invited. Sorry for a misunderstanding. You do not ever have to be invited to your Mom and Dad's house. You are welcome. Hope you and Sis can get a better relationship. Makes parents feel sad when the siblings relationships are strained. Dad said, If you two keep going you will end up like he and his brother and you will regret it. Just a tidbit from the old folks at home. Love you all, Mom and Dad"

Sooooo....now what do I do? My Wife suggested I forward that email to my sister and include a short note about wanting to share. My first thought is to write mom back telling her ALL the reasons I don't feel welcomed by Lisa and her bigoted attitude towards US. How she won't even let Sydney be around us because she doesn't want to expose her to gay people. It gets my blood boiling every time I think about it.

I suppose I'll get my sister a gift (card) and drop it off at her house, or my parents this weekend. My sister just replaced her above ground pool. Would be nice to get an invitation to that, too.

My family stinks like armpits in mid-July.


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

4th of Julie

We had a wonderful 4th of July weekend. We spent most of our time at our little lake place, or at the farm. We caught three fireworks shows, ate way too much BBQ, and drank a little too much a time or two. I am reminded of how miserable I was on holidays (when I was married to the Ex). I would go to my parents house or just sit at home alone and wait. I was so unhappy, I need to be social!!

Saturday we hung around the lake then grilled steaks at my Wife's cousins house with their family. Then we had a small fireworks display at the farm by my Wife's uncle. Sunday we had the family gathering at the farm with a smoked pork shoulder and all the trimmings. Later that evening we went to a fireworks show on the water. We sat on the bridge and had a perfect viewing spot! Monday we invited my parents over for BBQ sandwiches and visiting. They had never seen our lake place, and seemed to enjoy it. Turns out it was in some of my dads old stomping ground. We came back to the big city Monday night for the HUGE fireworks display. So much fun. I love fireworks, it's probably my next favorite holiday to Christmas.

When my parents were over they told me that my Ex had sent a couple of quilts back to me via my ex father in law. My parents and the Ex's go to church together. They forgot the quilts at home, but said they would give them to me the next time I was around. So weird...I would have never thought he would have sent something back to me. I supposed it's a glimpse of hope that he doesn't still hate me. Hopefully since he is happy now with his new bride, the bitterness and hatred towards me has wained. I hope so. We were so very close once upon a time, and I hold no hard feelings towards him. It simply is what it is. I spent my 20s with him..I learned a lot and grew up a lot, and ultimately found out who I am through it all. How could I hold anything against him? I feel he probably learned a lesson or two himself. Same though goes with the next ex...surely he learned to speak differently, and not degrade so quickly. If not, all I can say is thank goodness I don't have to live like that anymore!!

I've been working a lot lately...when I am not in surgery with my regular doc, I am trying to pick up extra days in radiology. I have baby fever so badly. My Wife says she would be most excited if we could be sure we can afford one. I don't know 100% that we can. I realize we can cut things out, but we really do not splurge on much. We could possibly cut down to basic cable, but that is only going to save $20-30 a month. Our biggest expense will be daycare. We have heard $200 a week, but we have also heard $80 a week. $200 is NOT doable, AT ALL. I am going to begin looking at area churches (will they even take a baby from two mommies?) at the cost of day care. There is one next to the house that offers two days a week for a little over $100 a month. Not sure of the house, tho. I promised my Wife I would do all the work of narrowing down the donor selection. That part is grueling for her...she doesn't want to have to do it. I told her I would narrow it down to three and we could then choose together. It would be so much simpler if we knew someone there would be no emotional attachment with, or the possibility of the donor wanting to meet his child when he/she is older. I want an anonymous donor, no questions.

We are headed to the beach in 15 days. The get-away will be much needed and wanted. My MIL is going with us. She's so low-maintenance and low-key, we'll probably not even know she is there, plus she's splitting the cost with us...SCORE!!