Short LP

We IUI'd, we went to the beach, there was magic in the sand and stars in the sky. We had a perfect week. We came home and Monday afternoon I had brownish cm. I went to acupuncture SO excited about the idea of implantation bleeding. She told me that didn't mean anything at this point but her fingers were crossed. Tuesday I had pink going on. Wed I had full blown Aunt Flo. I had a 28 day cycle (as always) but I ovulated on cycle day 18 which only gives me a 10 day luteal phase. NOT GOOD. Our doc won't be back until Oct 2 so we don't know the next course of action. I think I need progesterone. She might even order a sono-HSG. I'm fine with anything at this point.

Psychic still says she gets "JULY" which is also what another psychic had told us. That means we WILL get preg in October. I think my hopes are up higher than they've ever been for this month. How will I stay calm? How will I not get stressed?

We were so excited about implantation bleeding...we felt like moms instantly. It was a good feeling. I want it again, but I want it to be REAL.

Moving right along in this two week wait we are calling our lives. What would I be thinking about if we weren't trying for a baby? That's what I need to think about now. I need distractions. We're probably going to the winery this weekend. Sunday will be birthday dinner at the farm. I need a plan for Monday evening...then TUESDAY I will talk to the doc. I wish I didn't get so obsessed with things.

It's been a shitty day.

Good Night.

Magic Sand

I was so stressed at work last week that my follicle didn't grow as quickly as it normally does. That means two ultrasounds (13mm on CD14) vs one (16mm on CD16). We IUI'd today (CD18). We got a +OPK on Sat (CD17). It was faded the day before, and the day after (today). We caught it PERFECTLY. Now I pray my temperature rises tomorrow. We are heading to the beach later this week. I will be relaxed, even without the aide of alcohol. My hopes are up again. My sights are set high. I hope there is MAGIC SAND!!

I love you edemame (my Wife)...I love you baby.

More news 9/29

Is this getting as old for you as it is for me?

We didn't get a + AGAIN. My period was 2 days late, which actually just means my body gave me the appropriate 14 day luteal phase it needs. Thanks, body. I got a pimple...the kind you get when you're 16 and about to start your period. I never, I repeat, NEVER get pimples. What a mean thing to do to me. MEAN!! I had more symptoms this time of pregnancy than in previous attempts. The pimple being the main one, but irritability being another. I had a fall-apart about five days before I started my period. A serious fall apart. I convinced myself I wasn't gay (bi-sexual, lesbian whatever you want to call it). That I was (almost) 34 years old and wasted many years of my life when I should have married for money to a rich dude and had a house full of kids. Oh wait...that's not the life I wanted, nor is it the bed I have made. Crazy thoughts!! I had a pity party about my age...I am having a hard time dealing with the fact I am in my mid-30s and the gap is closing on being able to bear children. What have I been doing? Looking back at my photos it appears taking vacations and having fun. I don't regret it one minute at that point. Timing just stinks...I wish I could get some of my 20s back.

We are going in for our 5th round this week. Ultrasound Wednesday, hoping to IUI on Thurs/Friday. I began TCM Chinese Herbs (Golden Flower Chinese Herbs Noursih Essence Formula). I cannot find any substantial information about them online. You have to get them from a licensed acupuncturist. So far the only effect I see if my temp isn't as low as it has been (good thing!) and I am sleeping very solidly.

I had acupuncture Saturday. It was relaxing and rejuvenating, as always. We are going to watch my temps throughout my luteal phase and see if we need to change the herbs next cycle (if I'm not pregnant).

I wish I could get it OUT of my head that (psychic) Cheri22 gave us the month of July, and that Rebecca (psychic) also got the month of July. If July is the month, we won't get pregnant this month, but we would the next. It will just mean another month of disappointment and scratching our heads wondering if something is wrong. I have decided if we do not get pregnant after 6 attempts, I am going to request a fertility workup to check my hormones and possibly my fallopian tubes (I will SO dread that test!!)

We are going to the beach a few days after this IUI. My acupuncturist and reiki master have both told me there's "something" about going to the beach. I know they are being uplifting and supportive...but there is a part of me that truly hopes they are right. That the water offers a healing touch. My acupuncturist said she has 2 different clients that went to Hawaii and both came back pregnant.

I've got a book called Making Babies that suggests things that might be wrong. It suggests keeping my feet warm so I am going to wear socks around the house. I do seem cold all the time. It also mentioned putting a heating pad on my back/abdomen for 20 min a night on low/medium. I worry my progesterone is too low. Thinking about asking my doc if she wants to check it during my luteal phase.

OK...here we go...numero cinco!!