Today is my due date, or was. I was telling a friend that I was a little sad about not making it until today. She said even three years after her baby girl she still thinks about the what if's and that it always stings a little bit to think about. That's what I'm feeling today...a little sting. It makes me wonder why things didn't go as planned. I don't buy into that everything happens for a reason crap. I think it is what it is and it's just that simple. There probably is no reason. I do wish things had happened differently. I wish I had a natural birth story to tell. I wish baby Girl had weighed more at birth. I hope she develops those fat rolls on her legs soon. Is it one of those things I am never happy with any result? I am so thankful baby Girl is healthy, and that I am, too. But that doesn't mean I can't have a day to think about how things MIGHT have been.
So...hello and goodbye to what almost was, but never will be. Your due date was only an estimate...it's just a date...just a number on the calendar. July 11 is the best day of our lives and began our little family. I love that thought...our family. I've not had that before and it makes this mommy thing so much more sweet.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
37 weeks, 1 day
Wed July 10 when we dropped of my urine I had the nurse (Vicky) check my BP. It was still high (diastolic especially 90s). My doc called that evening and told me my urine test was normal but after I told him what my BP was he said he would see me the next morning. I told him I had about decided it was TIME. He said "Pack your bags, I'll see you tomorrow". We tried evening primrose oil 2 nights in a row to see if it would dilate me (vaginally and orally).
We went to the doc Thursday, July 11, 2013 at 0900, for my check up. My BP was still up and the doc checked my cervix. Still no dilating even tho I was anterior and 50% effaced still. The doc asked if I was ready and I said Yes. He told us to head on over to OB Triage at the hospital and called to see what time we would go to surgery. He said noon.
We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors. Baby girl was doing great. My BP was up some. They drew labs. Anesthesia came in and talked to me about all the ins and outs. We had requested Phyllis due to my friend Karla knowing a friend of a friend who used to work there. We didn't care for Phyllis but she did a great job and I could tell she took her job seriously.
Our nurse was great. She was with me in holding, the OR, and also recovery. She supported everything natural we wanted to do. I had requested NO magnesium, no lobetalol, and no pitocin but my doc said he wouldn't do the c-section unless I had pitocin--it makes the uterus clamp down and stop bleeding. I did consent to the ancef antibiotics and foley catheter--reduces size of bladder and less chance to get nicked during c-section.
We called our family while in holding. At 11:45 am we rolled back to the OR where my Wife had to sit just outside the OR suite while I got my spinal and foley. The spinal was not bad at all. I buried my head into the first assistants chest and held his hands. The CRNA told me everything I would be feeling and there were no surprises. After I got my spinal the nurse put my foley in. Thank goodness I never felt it. I began to feel nauseous after I laid back on the table. I asked the CRNA if I should be feeling nauseous and like I was going to pass out. She said it's because my blood pressure dropped so quickly and it would pass in just a moment. I began gagging and then I vomited a few times. The CRNA held an emesis basis next to my mouth. After about three heaves of saliva/bile, I felt MUCH better.
They called my Wife back in the room. My OB had come around by my head and held a towel clip and said did you feel that? I replied no and he informed me how he pinch my belly to make sure I was numb. I had worried about that!! I heard the start time was 12:14 and I could hear the bovie cutting my skin. I started feeling a pressure from the OB's hands in my abdomen. Then I heard him say "what in the world? so much for being in the pelvis!" He said "Your baby has gone transverse on me". Then he told me I was going to feel a lot of pressure and to just hang tight. The first assistant was mashing on my left side and I heard each of them grunting a bit. My Wife said I was jostled all over the table. I finally heard a waaaaaaa-waaaaa cry and my OB held our sweet baby girl over my face. She had a few drops of bloody liquid that fell on my face but I didn't care. They squeezed the blood towards her body and cut the cord and placed her on my chest. She had vernix all over her sweet self. It felt SO soft on my chest. They began to assess her and decided after a minute or two that she needed to be under a little oxygen. She was under the warmer with my Wife for what seemed like forever. I know my nurse had told the nurse who came into the room to take care of baby Girl how important skin to skin was so when she took her to the warmer she kept telling me how sorry she was and how she would try to get her back to me ASAP. After several minutes of assessment the nurse said she needed to take baby Girl to transition to monitor her O2 and they would get her back to me as soon as they could. My Wife could accompany her and I was SO thankful for that.
My doc sewed me up. He couldn't get the uterus to stop bleeding so he asked that Cytotec be brought into the room. All I could think about was NO! After a few more minutes he said he was good and wouldn't need it. I was so relieved.
The OR staff moved me back onto my recovery bed and took me back to my room at 1 pm. I would have to stay there until I could move my legs and pick up my bottom. They told me the quicker I moved the better off my recovery would be. I began trying to move my legs immediately.
My Wife finally returned to the room to tell my the birth weight and length of baby Girl. I told her to get back with her!! ha I didn't want her to be alone without one of us. By 2 pm my Wife and baby Girl were both in my room and I was holding her again. We stayed there until around 5 pm where we were taken up to the 7th floor (7th heaven). Some of recovery and being in our 7724 room seems like a blur.
I am not sure what time my parents got to our room but they visited a LONG time. Then our Aunt Judy came up. She didn't stay long. My Wife's mom came in late around 930 and that's when my parents left. They spent the night at our house and came for another visit Friday morning.
I was pretty nauseous Thursday night. After vomiting several times I agreed to some Zofran. That hit the spot!! I didn't get sick again. I stood up several times and was dizzy so I laid back down. Around 4 am the nurse came in and helped me walk to the bathroom where she dc'd my foley. I was so afraid it would hurt, but it didn't. She heplocked my IV because I wanted one more round of Torodol the next day (I could have another dose if it was within 24 hours of delivery).
We went to the doc Thursday, July 11, 2013 at 0900, for my check up. My BP was still up and the doc checked my cervix. Still no dilating even tho I was anterior and 50% effaced still. The doc asked if I was ready and I said Yes. He told us to head on over to OB Triage at the hospital and called to see what time we would go to surgery. He said noon.
We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors. Baby girl was doing great. My BP was up some. They drew labs. Anesthesia came in and talked to me about all the ins and outs. We had requested Phyllis due to my friend Karla knowing a friend of a friend who used to work there. We didn't care for Phyllis but she did a great job and I could tell she took her job seriously.
Our nurse was great. She was with me in holding, the OR, and also recovery. She supported everything natural we wanted to do. I had requested NO magnesium, no lobetalol, and no pitocin but my doc said he wouldn't do the c-section unless I had pitocin--it makes the uterus clamp down and stop bleeding. I did consent to the ancef antibiotics and foley catheter--reduces size of bladder and less chance to get nicked during c-section.
We called our family while in holding. At 11:45 am we rolled back to the OR where my Wife had to sit just outside the OR suite while I got my spinal and foley. The spinal was not bad at all. I buried my head into the first assistants chest and held his hands. The CRNA told me everything I would be feeling and there were no surprises. After I got my spinal the nurse put my foley in. Thank goodness I never felt it. I began to feel nauseous after I laid back on the table. I asked the CRNA if I should be feeling nauseous and like I was going to pass out. She said it's because my blood pressure dropped so quickly and it would pass in just a moment. I began gagging and then I vomited a few times. The CRNA held an emesis basis next to my mouth. After about three heaves of saliva/bile, I felt MUCH better.
They called my Wife back in the room. My OB had come around by my head and held a towel clip and said did you feel that? I replied no and he informed me how he pinch my belly to make sure I was numb. I had worried about that!! I heard the start time was 12:14 and I could hear the bovie cutting my skin. I started feeling a pressure from the OB's hands in my abdomen. Then I heard him say "what in the world? so much for being in the pelvis!" He said "Your baby has gone transverse on me". Then he told me I was going to feel a lot of pressure and to just hang tight. The first assistant was mashing on my left side and I heard each of them grunting a bit. My Wife said I was jostled all over the table. I finally heard a waaaaaaa-waaaaa cry and my OB held our sweet baby girl over my face. She had a few drops of bloody liquid that fell on my face but I didn't care. They squeezed the blood towards her body and cut the cord and placed her on my chest. She had vernix all over her sweet self. It felt SO soft on my chest. They began to assess her and decided after a minute or two that she needed to be under a little oxygen. She was under the warmer with my Wife for what seemed like forever. I know my nurse had told the nurse who came into the room to take care of baby Girl how important skin to skin was so when she took her to the warmer she kept telling me how sorry she was and how she would try to get her back to me ASAP. After several minutes of assessment the nurse said she needed to take baby Girl to transition to monitor her O2 and they would get her back to me as soon as they could. My Wife could accompany her and I was SO thankful for that.
The OR staff moved me back onto my recovery bed and took me back to my room at 1 pm. I would have to stay there until I could move my legs and pick up my bottom. They told me the quicker I moved the better off my recovery would be. I began trying to move my legs immediately.
My Wife finally returned to the room to tell my the birth weight and length of baby Girl. I told her to get back with her!! ha I didn't want her to be alone without one of us. By 2 pm my Wife and baby Girl were both in my room and I was holding her again. We stayed there until around 5 pm where we were taken up to the 7th floor (7th heaven). Some of recovery and being in our 7724 room seems like a blur.
I am not sure what time my parents got to our room but they visited a LONG time. Then our Aunt Judy came up. She didn't stay long. My Wife's mom came in late around 930 and that's when my parents left. They spent the night at our house and came for another visit Friday morning.
I was pretty nauseous Thursday night. After vomiting several times I agreed to some Zofran. That hit the spot!! I didn't get sick again. I stood up several times and was dizzy so I laid back down. Around 4 am the nurse came in and helped me walk to the bathroom where she dc'd my foley. I was so afraid it would hurt, but it didn't. She heplocked my IV because I wanted one more round of Torodol the next day (I could have another dose if it was within 24 hours of delivery).
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
37 weeks
I am FULL TERM today!!
We went back Tuesday (36 weeks, 6days) at 0915. My BP was 157/108. The doc made a grunt sound just outside the door before walking in. He checked my cervix and said I was still anterior but not soft at all and no dilation. He told us to go to the hospital and have a baby (de ja vu?) due to the high blood pressure. My Wife started crying after he left the room. On the drive over to the hospital she said she was mad. She wasn't mad at me, the baby, or the doctor, just mad at the situation. I'm glad she talked to me but I couldn't understand it, and still don't.
We got to the hospital and they drew labs and hooked me up to the fetal monitor. Baby's heart rate was perfect. My BP was perfect. It's like the BP in the office wasn't real. I think it's very positional--when I lay down on my left side it goes "normal" but even when I roll over onto my back it goes up a little bit. Vertical it gets WORSE. My labs came back with my uric acid elevated. The doctor came in and gave me three choices: 1) I don't remember but I think it was medicine 2) keep me overnight and do a 24 hr urine protein test 3) go to delivery now
I told him I wanted option 2 but asked if I could do it at home. He thought for a minute and said yes, that would be fine. So, I urinated into a jug for 24 hours. They gave me a "hat" to place on the toilet seat to catch my urine. It had a funnel on each end to help pour into the jug. I kept the jug in the fridge until we took it back to the OB's today at 1 pm. I took pictures and said I will keep in the baby book. Good memories!
My OB called this evening and said my protein was only 200mg and he doesn't get concerned until 2000mg. Looks like only a trace!! That means we are not having a baby tonight. He asked how I was feeling and I told him okay, better than yesterday. I mentioned I ran over to our NP's office and had the nurse check my BP and my diastolic was still in the upper 90's and he interrupted me and said "tomorrow". I told him I had already about decided it was time. He said then "nothing to eat or drink after midnight and I'll see you in the morning between 0830-0900. Bye"
HOLY SMOKES!! Are we having a baby tomorrow?????
If you are reading this and are friends with me on Facebook, I ask that you PLEASE not mention any of this publicly.
Hopefully the next time I am typing here I'll have a precious angel on her boppy pillow looking up at me.
I love you baby girl...we'll see each other face to face soon! :)
We went back Tuesday (36 weeks, 6days) at 0915. My BP was 157/108. The doc made a grunt sound just outside the door before walking in. He checked my cervix and said I was still anterior but not soft at all and no dilation. He told us to go to the hospital and have a baby (de ja vu?) due to the high blood pressure. My Wife started crying after he left the room. On the drive over to the hospital she said she was mad. She wasn't mad at me, the baby, or the doctor, just mad at the situation. I'm glad she talked to me but I couldn't understand it, and still don't.
We got to the hospital and they drew labs and hooked me up to the fetal monitor. Baby's heart rate was perfect. My BP was perfect. It's like the BP in the office wasn't real. I think it's very positional--when I lay down on my left side it goes "normal" but even when I roll over onto my back it goes up a little bit. Vertical it gets WORSE. My labs came back with my uric acid elevated. The doctor came in and gave me three choices: 1) I don't remember but I think it was medicine 2) keep me overnight and do a 24 hr urine protein test 3) go to delivery now
I told him I wanted option 2 but asked if I could do it at home. He thought for a minute and said yes, that would be fine. So, I urinated into a jug for 24 hours. They gave me a "hat" to place on the toilet seat to catch my urine. It had a funnel on each end to help pour into the jug. I kept the jug in the fridge until we took it back to the OB's today at 1 pm. I took pictures and said I will keep in the baby book. Good memories!
My OB called this evening and said my protein was only 200mg and he doesn't get concerned until 2000mg. Looks like only a trace!! That means we are not having a baby tonight. He asked how I was feeling and I told him okay, better than yesterday. I mentioned I ran over to our NP's office and had the nurse check my BP and my diastolic was still in the upper 90's and he interrupted me and said "tomorrow". I told him I had already about decided it was time. He said then "nothing to eat or drink after midnight and I'll see you in the morning between 0830-0900. Bye"
HOLY SMOKES!! Are we having a baby tomorrow?????
If you are reading this and are friends with me on Facebook, I ask that you PLEASE not mention any of this publicly.
Hopefully the next time I am typing here I'll have a precious angel on her boppy pillow looking up at me.
I love you baby girl...we'll see each other face to face soon! :)
Saturday, July 6, 2013
36 weeks
We made it to our Friday appointment! So glad that nothing came up to send us to the hospital. Weight was good (gained 1 lb but had lost 1 lb the week prior), my BP was 140/86 (better), and no protein in my urine.
We discussed where we stand with everything with the OB then he told me he wanted to do the group B strep and also a pelvic exam. I told him I would prefer to deliver over a pelvic exam. He just looked at me and I questioned "tough titty?" He said "yes, and I'm going to leave it at that".
He inserted a speculum and swabbed for the group B then he removed the speculum and did the pelvic exam. I don't know how many fingers he inserted but prior to starting he mentioned he would NOT be reaching for my tonsils. He touched my cervix and I would say he was inside maybe 8-10 seconds at the most. He said my cervix was very anterior (which is GOOD) and that I am 50% effaced. I am not dilated at all. All this will lead to a Bishop's score to determine if and when I am could be induced.
OB sent me over for an ultrasound to make sure the amnio fluid was still good. My AFI was 11 (good). She weighs 6 lb 5 oz. She has the chubbiest cheeks!! We love them. One of my co workers said she's storing food for winter. Ha!
My uric acid came back 6.8. At the hospital it was 6.2 but the OB said they always run a little lower than his number.
We go back again Tuesday for another repeat of labs, bp, weight, urine, etc. We went over a lot of what-if's with the doc. Somewhere in the discussion he mentioned people like "us" who are OCD. I have never been told I have OCD but maybe he is picking up on the fact I need to have control over everything.
I struggle with what to do between an induction and c-section. I've done my research and feel I know my options, it'll just depend on how well I dilate in the next few weeks.
Have gone back and forth with our doula. I don't feel I need one if I have a c-section. If we go the induction route, I feel I would like her there to help push me so that I won't request an epidural.
I've had "lightning" something awful. OB says it probably wouldn't be as strong if I were up walking around all the time. He said my pelvis probably twists when I get up/down. Heartburn is much better, Zantac has been a lifesaver! I didn't want to take it but it's a class B drug like Tylenol so I hope the FDA knows what they are talking about.
We discussed where we stand with everything with the OB then he told me he wanted to do the group B strep and also a pelvic exam. I told him I would prefer to deliver over a pelvic exam. He just looked at me and I questioned "tough titty?" He said "yes, and I'm going to leave it at that".
He inserted a speculum and swabbed for the group B then he removed the speculum and did the pelvic exam. I don't know how many fingers he inserted but prior to starting he mentioned he would NOT be reaching for my tonsils. He touched my cervix and I would say he was inside maybe 8-10 seconds at the most. He said my cervix was very anterior (which is GOOD) and that I am 50% effaced. I am not dilated at all. All this will lead to a Bishop's score to determine if and when I am could be induced.
OB sent me over for an ultrasound to make sure the amnio fluid was still good. My AFI was 11 (good). She weighs 6 lb 5 oz. She has the chubbiest cheeks!! We love them. One of my co workers said she's storing food for winter. Ha!
My uric acid came back 6.8. At the hospital it was 6.2 but the OB said they always run a little lower than his number.
We go back again Tuesday for another repeat of labs, bp, weight, urine, etc. We went over a lot of what-if's with the doc. Somewhere in the discussion he mentioned people like "us" who are OCD. I have never been told I have OCD but maybe he is picking up on the fact I need to have control over everything.
I struggle with what to do between an induction and c-section. I've done my research and feel I know my options, it'll just depend on how well I dilate in the next few weeks.
Have gone back and forth with our doula. I don't feel I need one if I have a c-section. If we go the induction route, I feel I would like her there to help push me so that I won't request an epidural.
I've had "lightning" something awful. OB says it probably wouldn't be as strong if I were up walking around all the time. He said my pelvis probably twists when I get up/down. Heartburn is much better, Zantac has been a lifesaver! I didn't want to take it but it's a class B drug like Tylenol so I hope the FDA knows what they are talking about.
Monday, July 1, 2013
35 weeks
We went in for our follow up on Thursday. My weight had gone down. My BP was still up. They drew labs. Then the doc said it's a wait and see. He listened to Samantha's heartbeat and said she was tachy and to go over to OB Triage. Ugh! We went over and had a NST and BPP plus re-drew lab work. She was perfect, nothing was wrong. Uric acid jumped from 5.9 to 6.8. My BP was still high and after the BPP my OB came to the hospital and said I am on strict bed rest. He wanted me to go back to OB Triage Monday morning for a repeat of the tests. Monday my uric acid went down to 6.2. My BP was better. Baby Girl was tachy when we first hooked her up but the nurse said it was likely because I was dehydrated. After my uric acid came back she gave me a huge thing of water to drink, baby Girl's heart rate went down in 20 min and stayed down. The nurse called my doc. She came back in and said "go home, go to OB's office Friday at 8 am".
So here I am back home. I'm going to have plenty of time to work on thank-you cards, read any mommy information I have been procrastinating. The pack n play should arrive tomorrow, I can put that together maybe.
We watched Safe Haven Sunday evening. What a tear jerker! I knew it would be but didn't know it would hit so close to home. That got me to thinking if I died while giving birth or if I died before baby Girl was grown....how would the Wife handle it. Her family never talks about anything tragic so I fear she wouldn't talk about me. I made her promise that she would talk about me every single day. I would want our daughter to know who I was. So important.
It was pretty emotional packing our bags for the hospital last night. It's the end of life as we know it. There will never be just my Wife and I. EVER. AGAIN. It's so final, it's almost like death. I shouldn't compare bringing a child into the world like that but it has nothing to do with the baby and everything to do with what was known.
So here I am back home. I'm going to have plenty of time to work on thank-you cards, read any mommy information I have been procrastinating. The pack n play should arrive tomorrow, I can put that together maybe.
We watched Safe Haven Sunday evening. What a tear jerker! I knew it would be but didn't know it would hit so close to home. That got me to thinking if I died while giving birth or if I died before baby Girl was grown....how would the Wife handle it. Her family never talks about anything tragic so I fear she wouldn't talk about me. I made her promise that she would talk about me every single day. I would want our daughter to know who I was. So important.
It was pretty emotional packing our bags for the hospital last night. It's the end of life as we know it. There will never be just my Wife and I. EVER. AGAIN. It's so final, it's almost like death. I shouldn't compare bringing a child into the world like that but it has nothing to do with the baby and everything to do with what was known.
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